Monday, August 28, 2006

The MC/BC Horn

As of today it's been one year since I landed up in Gurgaon. And in one year of driving around in the city, and learning the jat way of driving, I've always felt a constant need to be more like my jat brothers and abuse the hell out of everyone on the road, but the problem in an air-conditioned / heated car is that yelling at someone involves the effort of opening the window, sticking your head out and actually delivering the this time the 'moment' is usually gone, and most often you just can't be bothered, making the effort.

When I used to drive in Cochin, with the windows open, all I needed was simple middle finger to get the message across, but my jat brothers can only understand the language of lustily delivered verbal abuse and this lack of communication with my brothers has been a serious impediment to my integration into the jat community at large.

To remedy this situation, I've come up with an invention known as the MC/BC horn (MC/BC referring to a particularly popular set of abuses in this part of the world which makes a not-so-subtle reference to the oedipal/otherwise incestuous tendencies of the recipient of the abuse). This would require a very powerful set ot speakers to be mounted within the engine bay of the vehicle, powerful and clear enough for a human voice to carry loudly and clearly across the din of traffic. These speakers would play recordings of choice abuses, at a sufficiently loud volume, at the press of a button, mounted on the steering wheel, so that the drive can remain in the air-conditioned/heated comfort of his vehicle and using merely a finger (the finger again!) communicate with his brothers in the language that they understand the best. This will also save the effort of having to yell the abuse yourself.

The MC/BC horn will be fully customisable and should be able to carry at least a dozen abuses, which can be selected by way of a rotary selector similar to the blower-speed selector.

I can see a tremendous market for this all over North India, and I am waiting for an angel investor / venture capitalist to read this post and come knocking on my door to take this concept to the market. Vinod Khosla, are you listening???


Sunscreen said...

Awesome! Totally awesome! I can already picture some people making a beeline for the MC/BC horn once its in the market.

My goodness Smith, you will be a part of North Indian history once that happens and who knows, the government of Punjab or Haryana may decide to gift you a buffalo in recognition of your 'contribution to society'!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Good idea, but then over there, some MC/BC may also have a bazooka mounted on the bonnet. You want to risk that?

Loved your photo-post about Bombay. Basilico is nice, but Moshe's is where I'd go for good food. And Indigo for celeb/babe-watching.


Anonymous said...


Elke said...

LOL! "Out of the box" indeed. After it really catches up, u shud probably release a remix version (eminem mix or somethin). Make it one!
I ve posted a teaser sort of thing, thought i'd let u know. Thanx for visiting

Smith said...

@ sunscreen - i need a buffalo, your comment has given me hope

@JAP-da - bonnet-mounted-bazooka ...hmmm....nwo that's another idea....bihar maybe

@anonymous - you can only be my wonderful sister, thank you for dropping by

@elke - good to see you back...enjoy hyderabad, enjoy the freedom and everything else!

The Grunge said...

Hmm, now I am torn between wanting to be Future chef or whether to turn into an investor. I mean, the MC/BC Horn would do well not inly in Gurgaon, but it's definitely needed in Bombay too!
What to do men?

PS: I happen to like Jats okay?